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  • Writer's pictureCaitlin Lewis

Did I do enough?

The years have flowed by parenting my boys. I can remember when my oldest son was little, I would imagine how he would be when he was 16. Thinking about the man he would be becoming. Scared to approach that part because of all the big bad things that could invade his youth.

Now that we are here, I keep asking myself did I do enough? Did I laugh enough with you or did I let the laundry get in the way? Did I slow down to hear you or was I too exhausted to engage? Did I give you what you needed from me not what I pushed on you? Did you see me smile more than yell?

My journey of parenting has taught me so much about being in the moment. I have planned, scheduled, and predicted my son's entire lives. But they have shown me that they have become so much more than I could of seen coming. The challenges are erased by the overwhelming pride of seeing them take on life. Take on the really, really shitty parts of life and still push on.

I was not allowed growing up to see the impact of having a parent just be there to listen without judgment. As I entered adulthood, I realized how much I had missed out on. It wasn't until I found a supportive partner and friends who were willing to listen without criticizing me that I truly understood the value of having someone to talk to. I learned that being heard and understood is a crucial aspect of being able to grow.

The one thing I know is in many areas I did not do enough. But I am here, always there to listen without judgment. To offer any advice I can give. But to only lead them not direct them in life. All the other bullshit doesn't matter. We are doing enough.

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