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  • Writer's pictureCaitlin Lewis

Losing yourself in your family

Once kids come along the way you lived before is a distant memory. From day one they become the center of your world and they should. But not the only thing in your world.

Taking care of your family includes taking care of you. Now I am writing this in the most hypocritical way.

I am so super guilty of this to the point it isn't funny. But I am writing this because I realized I can't truly make anyone happy unless I am. It took a long time for me to realize it. Each year after having my first kid I lost a piece if myself and my happiness. I stopped doing the things I loved and enjoy. It got to the point I literally didn't know what I loved to do anymore. I stopped hanging out with friends because of the massive mom guilt and possibly control issues with leaving my kids home.

My eating habits were horrible and just sank farther and farther into this deep hole. Until I didn't have any other identity then their mom. Until one day I sat up, went to get in the shower and stood there staring at myself. Who the fuck was I ? I used to be know as the loud outspoken, life of the party, down to earth girl. Like the person you wanted to be around because I would make you laughed until you cried. But now I don't laugh or cry, I don't do anything. That day I told myself I would changed. Slowly I did. I started working out. I started this blog! I took time to breath and listen to myself, which was scary at times. I rewarded myself for surviving the day because, damn 2020.

I no longer feel guilty buying things for me instead of the kids. I no longer feel guilty ignoring my kids for an hour to write this blog that I love. I no longer feel guilty making a dinner date with my husband and them staying home eating a hot pocket. I don't apologize if I can't bring them somewhere because I have plans. They will soon realize that me doing things for myself makes me a better mom and person. Being who I am makes them better. I hope that it teaches them self-love is not being selfish it's being the best version of yourself and that makes everyone around you better.

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