When I was a teenager, I used to see people who would middle-aged and think that they had it all together. Job, house, car. Just living their best life. I would tell myself I couldn't wait to be there and have it all. Little did I know that this part is your life is lonely and lost.
Here I am, Middle-aged. A completely different version of life than I imagined. Stressed, confused, lost, and lonely. You never prepare for this stage, no one tells you about it. Maybe the occasional comment growing up from your parent. " Just wait till your an adult and have to deal with all this". But as a teen, you deflect and can't even understand why they would say that. They have no one telling them what to do, they have money and freedom. But you never could see at what cost.
The biggest part of this age that is a surprise is the loneliness stage. The stage where you question everything, Where you are in life, who you are, and how you got there. You have a family, spouse, kids, and many people in your life. But none of them know the true stage you are in. Most days are brought on by a blunt wake-up with your mind running through everything you need to do and everything you forget. Simple tasks become massive. Laundry, food shopping, kids sports but above all finding a time to carve out for yourself without feeling guilty for missing something or not getting something done you should
You reevaluate who you are and who is this version of you. Because this was not what you had in mind for yourself. The stressed, angry mom. The resentful spouse. The unhappy employee. Every day you are flooded with pictures, stories, and conversations with people you know that make you feel like they have it all figured out. They have the time to be successful, be a great parent, have time with friends, and care for themselves. I'm here to tell you that's a lie. I a fairy tale version of what they want you to see. They cry and break down. They have big problems in their lives you will never see or be able to understand. They are lost, too.
So know that the perfect family, spouse. parent, home; it doesn't exist, It's not real. The ways that loneliness comes out are simple, It might be not responding to text messages, it might be over clarify to people how happy you are and how good your life is, it could be as simple as sitting in your car when you get home for an extra 5 minutes to quiet the noise. But know that being middle-aged is also beautiful and is a stage that is so necessary for life to be able to grow and really find who you are.
Embrace the loneliness and that feeling of being lost. Let yourself go and stop putting on a show for everyone else. This is who we are, together. If you can accept being lost, you might be found.
That's who we are, middle-aged.