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  • Writer's pictureCaitlin Lewis

Feeling stuck and lost.

When I first had kids I worked fulltime and loved it, I really didn't want to be a stay at home mom because I thought that I was a better mom when I worked. Which was true. Everyone has their own thoughts and opinions on this but now that I have been on both sides I realized one thing that working parents don't deal with that Stay at home parents do. Feeling lost and stuck.

2 years ago I left my job as a Marketing Manager of 7 years to pursue other things and help my husband run his business. I have high hopes and dreams for myself. At first, I felt free and excited. I get to be home with the boys, be on my own schedule do more with them. Well, that didn't happen, I became stagnant. The first year I tried to be the mom then needed and wanted. But somehow I was failing worse than when I worked. I loved working, feeling accomplished, and the chaos of always being late somewhere because I was so busy.

Now, I had to make things structure for myself. I mean during the busy months my husband's business keeps me busy. But that is also a tough subject. First, don't ever work with your spouse. Second, don't ever work with your spouse. This has brought a magnitude of an issue for us and me. The biggest being that I feel like I am living someone else's dream, I love supporting him but I realized this year I lost myself, my passion for what I love being consumed in making his business grow.

So now I feel stuck and lost. When your a stay-at-home mom and your spouse is the breadwinner, especially when you had been extremely independent beforehand it is like you lose a piece of yourself. So a few months ago I had a breakdown. I didn't know who I was anymore. I was a worse mom than when I worked. My marriage gets rocky due to running a business together and resentment towards my husband that I gave up so much to help him.

So I choose to change and get unstuck. I started small then moved forwarded with bigger things. Starting seeing a therapist, buying myself new things instead of everyone else. Then I signed up to get my Real Estate Licence. Which was something to work towards. Although I don't feel like I am out of the hole all year I am building a ladder to get there. Remember being stuck and lost is temporary and ultimately up to you. Your kids will be ok when you take care of you.

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