Finding out I was pregnant. Wasn't the fairytale.
Being a parent is hard, we all can agree. All of us are just winging it most of the time and hoping we don't damage them along the way. But most people don't know what it's like to raise children with absolutely no support from family.
My husband and I got married and 2 years later our first son came along. I remember the day I found out I was pregnant. I put off taking a test for many days until my good friend at the time forced me to take a test. I sat down with 3 test layed in front of me, it took me 15 minutes just to pick up the test. I took the test threw it on the counter and ran into the living room. I refused to look, my friend offered to tell me the news. As soon as she rounded the corner I knew by the half smile in her face.
A flood of emotions came out. At first was in shock and told her it was wrong and decided to take the other 2 tests, they all came out positive. Then came the fear, the fear of being a mom. I had a horrible childhood and at no point did I want to become a mother. I never wanted a child to go through what I did. My mom wasn't meant to be a mom, I'm sure she did her best but her best was extremely selfish. How could I change that pattern?
I began to cry, half I'm sure from the hormones and half from complete helplessness. My husband was in the Navy at the time and rarely did I call his shop. But I need to let this out. A chief picked up the other line and heard my ridiculous sobbing. Between my crying I asked to speak to my husband. He picked up the phone, "What's wrong" he said concerned. I replied " I'mmmmmm Pregnant" his response " Thats it ? I have to get back to work see you in a bit "
I hung my flip phone up and sat down on the couch. What kind of response is that ! Is he going to leave? About 3 hours later he showed up to our apartment, flowers in hand and a card. In the card he said " I don't know why you thought i would be upset, I am so excited to start our family and I love you" . All a sudden my fear went away, he hugged me and from that point on it was me and him taking on this parenting thing alone.
I gave birth in 2007 and while in the hospital he received a phone call. I knew by the way he answered it was his Chief calling. It was a short call, he turned around as I held our newborn and said I leave in 3 weeks for 9 months. We went home and he had 3 weeks together parenting until one night I drove to drop him and say goodbye. He was gone. I was alone to parent a baby by myself. I drove home walking into the living room sat on the couch and sobbed. I looked down at our son and at that moment I knew would be ok. I was going to do this and be the best mom I could be. 9 months later he came home. I had a new job, was going to school, our son was walking and I had mastered this parenting thing.
It was a hard 9 months for both of us. He missed a ton of first's and I missed the support. What I did have was amazing friends in the Navy. They checked on me, invited me to holidays with them, did whatever they could to support me. I hope if they are reading this they know how much I appreciate all their help and helping realize how strong I really was. The Navy gave us a lot but most of all it gave us a family in our friends.